A Sirius Breach of Security
by touchtheskyx
Summary: [OneShot] Sirius Black was bored. So what does he do? He rids his best friends house of all dark objects of course, ridding the house of privacy at the same time. R&R.


**A Sirius Breach in Security**

**AN:** I didn't think this fit into my Stag and The Doe fic, because it's more about Sirius than anyone else. Plus the title's too long for the other one, it would spoil the pattern :) Oh yeah, and sorry for the bad pun in the title. Overused, I know. But it fit, so sue me.

**Edit:** Wow. Your reviews have been AMAZING. I never thought this story was that good, but apparently you guys proved me wrong. All those awesome reviews make my day. Plus, four C2s? Wowee. By the way, check out The Reviews Lounge (C2). It's aweomse because it really digs deep and finds stories that may not have a lot of reviews but that are really good. You guys rock.

Keep reviewing guys, and thanks!

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Sirius Black was bored. Okay, Sirius Black was always bored. But at school he always had Snivellus to keep him entertained, what with hanging upside down and such. And when he had been living with the Potters, James had always been there to keep him busy doing something or another, most things involving blowing something up or causing trouble in some form. Which was why, on this occasion of boredom, Sirius decided to go visit James Potter.

James Potter. Sirius' best friend, the pair of them often referred too as brothers, and by some as the 'gruesome twosome', a name which Sirius despised greatly. Another way to cure his boredom: jinxing people who called them the 'gruesome twosome'. Was there anything gruesome about his perfectly handsome face? He thought not.

Sirius came to the door of the two-story house in Godric's Hollow and knocked a few times, not as though waiting to get let in, only to warn him and Lily that he was there. Five overly hit knocks were Sirius' warning. Everyone knew that.

So he let himself in. They really ought to keep their door locked. Not that it would stop Death Eaters or the like, but some of the stupid ones might think nobody's home if it's locked, buying Mr Potter and Miss Evans-soon-to-be-Potter a little more time to powder their noses or whatever one would do when being stormed by Death Eaters (if you remember, stupid ones.)

He walked into the ground floor, looking around. The lights were on but there seemed to be nobody home.

He invited himself further into the house and decided that, supposing there was nobody home, it wouldn't hurt to have himself a look around.

He browsed the kitchen curiously. There was an odd metal box with four slits in the top and two pushy-lever things on the sides. There was also a glup.. or a plug, something like that, attatched to the wall and to the box with a wire. He stuck his finger in the slot and pushed down on the lever, but it was extremely hot so he decided taking it out would be a good idea.Why the Potter's would keep such an abnormal and dangerous thing in their house... unless...

Sirius wrenched the thing from the wall, opened the window and threw it outside as hard and as far as he could manage. It was a Death Eater planted object, he was sure, and as soon as one of them pressed a lever as Sirius had... BOOM! No more Lily and James.

Sirius soon discovered that there were many, many more dangerous objects in the room. Why Lily and James hadn't noticed that there were pieces of dark and evil machinery in their house...

He rid them of a tall thing next. It had a box on the bottom with a bunch of buttons that read things like 'surge' 'chop' and 'liquify'. Then it was attatched to a tall containery thing with a lid, and when you pressed 'on' there was a blade in it that began to spin around madly... he was sure there must be an instruction somewhere 'put in fingers and choose method', but he didn't bother to find out, tossing the machine out the window. There was also a machine that spit out hot water when he pressed a button and what appeared to be a mini oven but the door closed automatically, on his hand. He felt lucky that it wasn't plugged in, that one. The Death Eater's must have made a mistake.

It was probably the same one that knocked before entering that did the handywork on these deadly weapons. The hot-water spitter and the mini oven with a mind of its own were also chucked into the yard. After he warned Lily and James of the things, he would call the ministry and have someone over to destroy them immediately.

But in the meantime, Sirius felt sure it was okay to sit on their couch and wait for them to come home. He laid back, putting his feet on the table and sighed. It was hard work ridding a friends house of dangers. Perhaps he ought to look into the other rooms...

The ceiling trembled. Glasses rattled in the cabinet. Sirius sprang to his feet, whipping out his wand. Of course he had to be bored on a day when there were Death Eater's in his best friends house... cool. The adventure was welcome. So he took a deep breath and sprinted up the stairs. There were too many rooms in the Potter house. He checked them all, sure the rattling was coming from each one. The first contained nothing but a crib. They were hopeful. Then a broom closet, a towel closet, a room with only a small bed and a vaccuum in it...

He finally came to the last room. Upon putting his ear at the door he discovered that this was the room... excitement surged through him faster than the heat from that metal box. He turned the knob, pushed open the knob and...

Okay, so the lights were off, ruining the dramatic effect of his entrance. The Death Eater inside gave a little gasp, and another one said loudly "SIRIUS!"

The Death Eaters really were doing their job well, they even knew his name. So he flicked on the lights in the hope that they would shrivel and scream - maybe they were vampires.

But as he turned the light on, and looked madly around, he saw nothing but the window, a writing desk, a wardrobe in the corner and a king-sized bed.

A king-size bed with two, astonished naked people on it.

"What the fuck?"

"Ahh..." Sirius rubbed his hair with his hand and grinned dopily. "You see, there were dark objects in your kitchen, so I was getting rid of them..."

"Dark objects..."

"Yeah! There was one that burned your fingers in a slot when you pressed a lever..."

"The toaster?"

"One that chopped you up a the push of an innocent looking button..."

"Blender?"

"One that spit hot water on my hand..."

"Well you do have to put coffee grounds in it for it to make coffee..."

"And there was one that looked like a mini oven but it snapped shut on my hand when I opened it."

James hit himself on the head repeatedly. Lily pulled the blankets higher around her neck.

"So what did you do with these 'dark objects' Sirius?" she asked through gritted teeth.

"Well I disposed of them of course! Threw them out the window actually, but I can have ministry officials over in no time to get rid of them.."

"Those weren't dark objects you moron. Those were kitchen appliances! A toaster, a blender, a coffee maker and a toaster oven! You haven't seen any of those before?"

"Er... no. 'fraid not. Gotta go. Urgent appointment. I'll pay you back later..."


End file.
